Getting Official

It hadn’t really occurred to me before, but I realize, now, that I haven’t actually made our “official” announcement anywhere beyond talking to friends and family:  we’re going to be moving.

We’ve given our notice, and come sometime in May/June, we’re going to be moving away from Port Townsend.  Our current trajectory has us headed for the Durango, Colorado area (although I realize this could change in an instant, given the rapidity of recent energies), and at this moment, we have very few plans about the “how” of that.  We don’t, at this moment, know where exactly we plan to live once we start heading in that direction, whether we’ll store our stuff here, or take it with us, etc.

Which might look “crazy,” from outside, but feels perfect from over here — for both me and my Beloved.

We both began to feel that, paradisaical as Port Townsend is, it is simply not our “place” anymore.  This doesn’t come as a surprise to me now, but would have, ten (or even five) years ago.  When I first moved to PT, I was very certain that this would be the place where I spent the rest of my life (my Beloved had similar feelings upon moving here).

The sense that I wasn’t properly placed began, I believe, more than a year ago, but certainty came after I returned from my trip to the Midwest.  While I was there, I experienced a sudden and surprising sense of physical vigor and energy shift.  It was more than just the energy of being on a trip — it seemed geo-physical and energetic beyond the simple newness that travel brings.

When I returned and told my partner about this, she confirmed that she, too, had experienced a growing sense that it was time for us to move along.

We opened ourselves to guidance and felt into the adventure.  We considered many places, discussed our likes and dislikes, “must-haves” and “must-not-haves”, and found that we both felt drawn to Colorado.

We’d each been having “fly-bys” about CO since the Autumn of 2010 — I’d pass a group of people talking on the street, and the word “Colorado” would be the only thing I’d actually hear of their conversation — the most promising prospective renter of the house we were leaving behind was relocating from Colorado, etc., etc., etc.

Durango popped up as a similarly small, quirky community that had many of the things we were craving — so that is where we are pointed — for now.

We got pretty clear about that by December, and I will say that in my long post-integration rambles around Port Townsend, there has been a consciousness that this beautiful little town may not be right outside my door for very much longer, but there is no sadness or regret tinging that — just a deep appreciation for this place that is so willing to be its weird and wonderful self.

We’ve given our notice and have enjoyed the interactions with our landlords/lady as we talk about what’s next — flexibility and openness reign supreme; a liberation and a blessing.

There are ways in which not knowing what is next feels profoundly freeing — and “youthening” in a way — last night, I was speaking with a friend about how I had moved out West in the late 70′s:  I had no idea what I would do for work or where I would live when I departed the great State of Kansas — I had a VW Bug packed with pretty much everything I owned (my mom would ship my books out to me later), and I drove across the country on a great adventure, unbowed and unworried about my future.

It feels like that again.  I am shedding more “stuff” before we go  — much of it well-loved and deeply valued — but like this wonderful town, not really “mine” anymore in some way.

There is one immense difference for me in taking this leap, compared to my leap of thirty-four years ago:  Technology.  Many (if not most) of my closest friends don’t live nearby me anyway — our contact is primarily via the internet or phone — so moving “away” doesn’t mean that I lose contact.

When I transported myself half-way across the continent after college, long-distance telephone calls were a cost so dear that they were reserved for Christmas, birthdays, and the occasional death or dire illness, and the vast majority of my contact with home was carried out via (many) letters sent through the post (most of them hand-written).  Sometimes I miss that kind of correspondence, but I suppose my blog has filled that gap, at least a bit.  Certainly I would not trade the immediacy of my technologically-enhanced contact for it now.

So there it is — official and in writing and for all the world to see.

I wonder what will happen next.

Posted in Announcements, My Town, Personal, Philosophy/Spirit, Spirituality | 1 Comment

Returning to the Chronicle

Today, I sought guidance about where to focus my energy.  The response was clear:  Chronicle and Grow.

I confess:  As I’ve blogged about the process of integration, the Little Mind piped up quite a bit, and I heeded it.

It said: “Who would want to hear about your arguments with Me?”

When I turned and faced this question, I discovered that the answer is:  “I would.  I would now, and I would have (and did) in the past.  Any person who would speak forthrightly about the process of expanding conscious, I would lend my ear to.”

So, I return to chronicling this experience I am having.  I take this guidance to heart, and come back to the story of myself.

If you could view my life from outside right now, very little would seem to have changed; I live in the same house, in the same town.  I drink my tea in the morning and sip a beer at night.  I read and answer emails.  I check Facebook.  I do the grocery shopping.

If you could see through my eyes, though, you’d see a house grown large and small with new focus, and a town that has exploded from stereotyped outline to a place stuffed with astounding detail.  You would taste the difference between this tea-bag and that one, and note how alcohol changes its effect with the weather.

This is a thing I’ve noted with every great transformation in my life:  Everything is the same and every thing is different.

That’s not how we’ve been told transformation “should” be.

If a great shift is made, then it’s supposed to be tectonic in nature — things should be moved around in a glaring manner, and we should be reeling and disoriented.

And yet.  And yet.

Ask anyone who has experienced the death of someone very close.  You walk away from their dying place and the dirty dishes are still in the sink — the laundry still waits in the hamper — the sun goes on setting and rising.  Sometimes, it seems almost like an affront; how can usual-ness go on when this has occurred?

Everything has changed and every thing is different.

My internal experience is like that.  The dirty dishes of the mind are still there, wanting to be scrubbed and placed clean for a new meal.  The roles I’ve worn like clothing are not worn through and ready to be discarded — but some of them, I want to give away, now, and others need stains washed out before I’ll want to don them again — and then there are the days when I think:  “Maybe I should just create a whole new wardrobe.”

I’m experiencing integration as different than what I’d previously thought of as “transformation” — perhaps it is that this integration contains transformation, but is not contained by it.  Perhaps I am recycling myself, rather than re-inventing myself.

And even now, the Little Mind pipes up to say:  “You haven’t spoken a single thing that makes a bit of sense.”

Alright — then, a walking poem:

Five Madonnas

I walk out
in the light of my dreams
half light half dark

where you must
really look
to see

Jupiter and Venus
form a straight line
above the west

I proceed
to where they stab
this collective finger

my right shoe
squeaks when I step into it
up the hill past the dog

who barks complaint
of my squeaking
to planets that can’t be bothered

I square my shoulders
and march on
to this brick wall with windows

Five Madonnas
keep their backs to me
beyond the glass

faces reserved
for the holy within
raiment folded against the night

the daffodils below
shower warm countenance
to even this growing darkness

Is it bravery
when you do not know
that you are brave?

copyright 2012 Carol L. Steinel
Posted in Consciousness, Divine Madness, Integration Notes, Philosophy/Spirit, Poetry, Spirituality, Writing | Leave a comment

Ordinary/Extra-ordinary

Nearly ten years ago, I traveled to do some teaching and readings in what some people call “The Bible Belt.”

I had been teaching long enough at that time that I didn’t feel an enormous amount of trepidation about bringing my rather “out there” information to an area of the U.S. that many people assume is closed to certain spiritual forms that are outside the norms.  By this time, I had connected with spiritual seekers from all over the world, many of whom lived in areas that were considered extremely conservative, so I had been gradually letting go of personal biases about regions of the country/world and spiritual outlook.

I did have an interesting experience with one private reading client, though.

She arrived with that particular look in her eye that I’d seen before on hard-core skeptics.  When we tuned in and began, before she’d asked a single question, then-Carruch volunteered a series of images and energies that we’d received during the tune-in.  These images were extremely specific, and Carol watched from within as the client’s narrowed eyes opened wider and wider with each sentence.

There was no way we could have known this information — when she’d booked the reading, I had only her (rather usual) first name.  We’d never met, and I didn’t know anyone who actually knew her — she’d heard about my visit from the friend of a friend of a friend.

I actually like knowing nothing about a client before I read for them — pre-integration, I sometimes even enjoyed the phone sessions I did more in that regard — not seeing the person actually made it less likely that I might overlay any of my own assumptions on them as I was reading (based on their clothing, appearance, age, etc.).

It was clear from the look on this particular woman’s face that we had just read her with an accuracy and detail that simply defied “ordinary” understanding.

At the end of the session, she said to me (once Carruch had “gone”): “I hope you don’t feel offended by me saying this, but — honestly, I didn’t believe that people like you existed — that anyone actually had abilities like the ones you have.”

I assured her that I was not offended, and told her I hoped that what we had shared with her was helpful to her.

When I returned from my trip and recounted this story to a friend, he responded with: “That’s funny, really, because I find it hard to believe that people like her exist — people who don’t believe in this stuff.”

Over the years, I’ve met with many people who arrived at their session, or a class or circle with an attitude of extreme skepticism.  I hold discernment as a vital aspect of personal psychic hygiene, and actively encourage anyone who sits with me to “hold on to their skeptics hat.”  In fact, I request and prefer that people not continue sitting with me if they have any sense that the information I give isn’t in integrity or alignment for them; whether they think of me as a fraud or the information simply doesn’t touch them.   I think it’s more expansive for all if each individual prioritizes their own internal guidance rather than adopt external guidance which isn’t a “fit” for them.

That said — in the past, I was sometimes surprised at how often the most spontaneous, specific, and “uncanny” information actually came through for clients/students who arrived in a state of extreme skepticism.  I believe that, in many cases, this occurred precisely because their own soul had a deep desire to open to something “beyond the ordinary”, and so, willingly revealed information to us that the intellectual mind might have normally defended itself from (had it not arrived in a form that seemed to defy”ordinary” explanation).

Over the years, I’ve spoken with thousands of different people; in terms of their openness to spiritual concepts, these have ranged from those who some would call “guru chasers” (people who practice no discernment at all, to the extent that they subvert their own guidance completely to whatever seeming spiritual authority-figure appears) to those who have simply arrived at a session to play “test the psychic,” (even though their minds are already made up and that wouldn’t be shifted even if I managed to materialize a full-grown elephant into the room).

In between these extremes, of course, there have been all manner of variations and degrees of mind-sets and understandings, and a vast array of motivations for why someone would spend time sitting with a chubby little woman talking in a hard-to-identify accent. :)

One thing that is fairly consistent, though:  If you ask someone why they first came to sit with me, they will usually say that they were intrigued by the thought of interacting with something unusual or “out of the ordinary”.

Which seems funny to me now, in a way.  Even before integration, “Carol” had been living in the realm of what many people think of as “extra-ordinary” (channeling, psychic abilities, practicing daily psychic hygiene and alignment with Cosmic Law) for so long that it had become, in many ways “ordinary” for her.

Two of my favorite Then-Carruch quotes are:

“You pray and pray for the miracle, and then when it appears, you say ‘That’s so Weird!”

and

You come to see the psychic and then you’re surprised when they’re psychic.”

On my walk yesterday, I was very aware of one of the delightful effects of this blending of the oversoul and soul constructs that I’m naming as Conscious Integration:  That the extra-ordinary has become deeply ordinary, and the ordinary — profoundly extra-ordinary.

From my current state of consciousness, contemplation of the parade of past incarnations that I’ve taken through time simply seem sensible and orderly. Of course I would have chosen to incarnate in this or that particular time and place, so that I could meet this or that soul and form agreements about our “later” interactions.  Of course time and space appear as a grid for us to pass over (even though this barely touches the true nature of each)  — how else could we have the peculiar experience of sequential Nows?

Yet as I navigate this grid of sensible immediacies, I am brought to amazed stillness as I hear a garter snake slither away through the dried grasses — stunned by the concurrent distance and proximity of mountains showing off their newest snow-robes — surprised at the mellowness of an old acquaintance’s voice as they greet me.

The hunger for the miraculous is within every human being.  We want to be astounded and impressed-upon and lifted out of ourselves — it feels wonderful, and energizes us.  We crave magic.

Some find it in science, and eschew any notion of divinity.  Some find it in religion, judging rationality as limiting and unenlightened.

The magic in these polarities, though, is this: If you look long enough, from enough perspectives, you eventually find everything everywhere — after all — we are the ones who have created the seeming paradox of our existence.  There can be no “extra-ordinary” unless we declare the ordinary — no unusual until we define what is “usual”.

We can look all we want “out there” for this magic, and we will never find it, unless we realize that what we are seeking — when we visit the psychic, or peer into the microscope, or fold our hands in the pew — is ourselves.

Posted in Consciousness, Integration Notes, Philosophy/Spirit, Psychic, Spirituality, Time | Leave a comment

What Is It Like?

In the past twenty years, I’ve worked/played with (literally) thousands of people in the course of my work as a psychic/channel/mentor/guide — and I’ve had hundreds of people ask me what that “feels like”.

As is true of most things in my experience, I’d have to answer:  “It depends.”  It depends on what type of connection I’m making with someone, and where they are at energetically, and how broad the connection is (to an individual or to many people, which isn’t always dependent on whether I’m doing a “private” session or an open circle).

For example:  I’ve had the experience of working in a one-on-one session with someone who served a multitude of other people, or who had a metric ton of guides working with them, and energetically, that can feel like working with hundreds of other beings.

Conversely, I’ve sat in circles with twenty or thirty people that felt very energetically “quiet”.

So it depends.

Tonight, I’m writing about this to remark about the very distinct energy shift that I am experiencing by simply opening to a new possibility.

For the past three days, I’ve been putting together a new approach to making what I have to offer available to others.  This involved a lot of testing of new technologies and coding and such, and that’s activity that I enjoy, so the construction of the needful technology was a blissful journey — one that I’m fairly familiar with.

Something that I hadn’t anticipated, though, was the shift in energy that I experienced once I sent out the announcement about this new, more immediate format.  I very intentionally opened myself to a new availability for service (offering my psychic/guidance skills in a “right now” mode), while, in the past, I had carefully structured and planned my availability  (you can schedule with me in thus-and-such a manner, and here are my policies, clear and complete — and often, rigid).

Today, as soon as I sent the email announcing this new avenue of availability, I felt the change.  I could actually feel the emails out there, being opened, and sense how I had opened my energy in a new way.

It feels exciting, and it feels like a lot.  The first person to engage me using the new system said, after their fifteen-minute session:  “Huh.  I just thought I was asking about finding this thing that I had lost — this was an answer about where to look, and a whole lot more.  Are you sure that was just fifteen minutes?”

Was it just fifteen minutes?  Well, that depends, I suppose . . .

I can feel the excitement — the big “yes” in my body — that says: “This way!”

Posted in Integration Notes, Philosophy/Spirit, Psychic | Leave a comment

Another Walking Poem

Saturday Night Walk

We live in large houses
inadequately filled

stuff them with
things and things

until there is no room
for laughter to roar
no tiny space through which song
might rise to shake the rafters

so that we feel them still empty
and hunger for something more

The houses on this block
and this block and this block
all sit with one window glowing

blue of the television
yellow of the reading lamp
stark white of the monitor facing a face

I do not know who is taking in
all this light
whether they sit by themselves
wishing away their loneliness
or relish solitude
at the end of the day

whether they share the couch
with raucous friends joyously
or in sufferance

Four churches squat
on their corner lots
full of empty chapels
and glass deprived of its stain by the dark

I want to hear
what is rustling inside
shuffling of mice-feet in the community kitchen
whispers of long-ghosted parson’s wives

The high wide spaces within
pull at me like any vacuum
they are waiting for the morning
and their chance at service
From downtown, music wafts up the hill
it might be rock and roll
but damp air and shifting wind
have turned it hurdy-gurdy

In a few hours the bars
will retch out final reprobates
I walk up the steps of First Presbyterian
and hear the door licking its lips

copyright 2/29/12  Carol Steinel [all rights reserved]

Posted in Integration Notes, My Projects, Poetry, Writing | 2 Comments

Walking Poetry

As I’ve mentioned before, one of the unexpected differences post-integration has been a desire to take long, rambling walks (regardless of weather conditions, time of day, or anything else, it would seem).   I’ve also been writing poetry as I walk recently, and it’s been very surprising that these poems do not seem to need to be recorded.  They continue to live in my head, just as originally transmitted, and even if I return home and don’t write them down, they seem to simply remain in my head until they are put to paper.  Here’s today’s walk.

Before Leap-Day

winter returns
to throw her final fit of pique
spitting a wan rage
against my glasses

outside this gate
a wheelbarrow
heaped with hopeful compost
sits abandoned
the gardener within
huddles before the wood-stove
to tend another growth

behind this house
five lawn-chairs splay on their backs
away from the table
as if all the drunks
have stumbled off to bed
at last
or dreadful news
of the war arrived
and everyone has dashed inside
to listen

crocuses and snow-drops
valiantly ruin her favorite dress
she bats at them
with windy palms
to brush her simple skirt
clean again
but they have already trimmed it
no hope left for the bleach of snow
she tried that last sunday

I think
though
the trees take the worst of it

buds and tiny leaves
have spoilt all the patterns
she tatted among naked branches
it’s too late of course
but she howls past them anyway
“Simplicity is elegance,
you gawdy fools!”

she screams too
through the cedar and pine and fir
just for good measure
but they’ve never followed fashion

I can’t find it in me
to resent her
no matter how many times
she hides the sun

we both know
she hasn’t much time left now

copyright 2/28/12 Carol Steinel [all rights reserved]

Posted in Integration Notes, Poetry, Writing | 1 Comment

Building a House of Many Stories

Today I sought guidance from an oracular device called the “Mo”.  It’s essentially a single dice with characters on it.  To obtain a reading, you toss the dice twice and look up the combination of characters that appear.

The question was:  Would writing on my blog be helpful now?

These are the characters I threw:  Na Dhi

The reading opens with this:  “If NA DHI — the gatekeeper of the west — appears, then there is a perfect prosperity, similar to the opening of a treasury of jewels.”

The last bit of the entry reads:  “This prediction is known as “a building of many stories” — and I had to laugh at the double pun.

I’ve always been a story-teller.   Stories of my personal history have peppered my teachings, my casual conversations, and certainly, the pages of this blog.

There are stories that I have told so many times (like the ones I tell in my Psychic Hygiene class, which illustrate my personal experiences with specific techniques) that they have become like tiny mythologies, taking on the rhythm and tones of any classic verbal tradition.

During this incarnation, I’ve been something of a dabbler and explorer, so there are stories of “Carol the gas-station attendant” sitting alongside stories of “Carol the stand-up comic”.  Friends, as they get to know me, sometimes ask:  “Is there anything you haven’t done?”  (And of course, there are many things that I haven’t done.)

I’ve been pondering on these stories of late.

They are not who I am, but they brought me to who I am.  There were times when I allowed the stories of my past to trap me into thinking that they defined something that I “had” to be, and times when I became so involved with their drama that I became utterly convinced that my history had more reality than my present/presence.

It’s been many years since I could believe that anything was a “coincidence” — the knowing that everything that happened in my life has meaning (even if I could sometimes only see that meaning in retrospect) has been with me for decades.

I talked extensively about the “turn-key” experience that originally brought me to this understanding of zero coincidence in the post “Blast From The Past“:

One of the most important moments of my life came as I was walking up NW Kearney street in Portland Oregon. It was an absolutely ordinary day in the Fall — I can’t recall what year it was –and even if I could –that year — the political/cultural context that any given year might convey — is completely irrelevant to the importance of this moment. I can only guess that it was sometime between 1981 and 1984, the years I lived on Kearney street. I can’t remember anything else that happened on that day — but I remember this:

I was walking East against the wind. A recent rain had brought down new leaves and plastered them to the sidewalk — I was walking, eyes down, looking at the Bigleaf Maple offerings pressed against the concrete, the hood of my coat drawn over my head. When I peered up under the edge of this hood, there were two old ladies walking toward me, arm in arm, one larger, one smaller. They were leaning into one another, steadying each other against the wind and scouting slippery places on the walk. I skirted to one side without thought, making way for the less sure-of-foot. They had been talking before I looked up, but now they stopped. As they passed me, I was struck with the thought: “What if there is no such thing as coincidence? What if every single thing that I experience holds meaning?”

That was it. Just that question. A question that I did not rush to answer.

And my life was utterly changed in that moment.

I call this the “turn-key” experience. I have heard others report this experience — the moment from which there is no turning back — the moment that changed, irrevocably, their consciousness, and therefore, the course of their lives.

This story is effortless to recount — I can call it up in memory as vividly as if it is happening now.  In some sense, it is happening now, so powerfully has it resonated in my consciousness.

It’s a story I’ve never needed to embellish or even fully understand at the intellectual level.  It has a perfection all its own.

I’ve been aware for a number of years that certain parts of my personal history lend authority to some of the things I teach, even when I don’t directly tell the stories associated with them.  Survivors of childhood abuse, when they speak with me in the setting of a reading or mentoring work, seem to automatically sense that when I say:  “Yes, I understand what you are going through,” — I’m not just shining them on.  People who struggle with mental illness can tell that when I speak about the journey to craziness and back again, I’m not talking out my ass.

In the early years when I was healing from abuse and returning to some semblance of balance mentally, finding a usefulness to these stories was comforting — it seemed redemptive, somehow, that all these difficult experiences could be some small help to someone.   Now, though, I see them as absolutely necessary parts of what I have come to be and will become — in need of no redemption, and so stuffed with perfect purpose that I would not trade them away even if I could.

So, with guidance from the oracle of Mañjuśrī, I begin to see a new form of expression blossoming.  The stories I tell of my own history say more than just “this happened to me” or “I experienced this” — they speak of possibility.

It is possible to survive and heal from great abuse, thoroughly and completely.

It is possible to embrace your madness and bring it back to the world as an ever-unfolding blessing.

It is possible to shift relationship patterns of fear and insecurity and experience profound intimacy with another.

It is possible to cease struggling with your life.

It is possible to look back on any story you have told about yourself — any experience you have had, are having, or will have — and see its perfection so clearly that it becomes a treasure with which you would not part.

Posted in Fulfillment, Integration Notes, Personal, Personal History, Philosophy/Spirit, Very Personal Details | Leave a comment

Bwahk-Bwahk!!!

My Beloved says that, after I complete a project, I tend to strut around the house a bit like a hen who’s just laid a particularly proud-making egg.

And yes, I’m doing that.  I just completed my first ebook and put it up for sale.

It’s a tad funny — of all the books I’ve had rolling around in my noggin for the past forty years, I would never have imagined that my first public offering would be about communicating with animals, but a week or so ago, I was in meditation asking about “what next”, and this was one of the first suggestions/nudges I got.

I’ve learned that it’s usually wise to follow those nudges, as I said earlier today, so I wrote up what was in my head and got it out post-haste.  (Well, it helped that on my evening walk, I was pondering whether to release it now or wait — when I walked by a mailbox on my street that I swear was never there before.  It said, in bright white letters:  Little — you’ll understand why this seems like a bit more than a nudge when you read the book.)

Anyway, I’d love it if you’d purchase a copy.  It’s pdf format, so you can read it on your computer, smartphone/iphone, or e-reader.  Go on!  It’s right over here:  http://carruch.com/zen/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=42&products_id=256

And Bwahk-BWahk!!!!! to you.

Posted in Announcements, Writing | Leave a comment

Redirection

In various periods of my life, I’ve been re-directed.  Sometimes these re-directions were subtle and a bit mysterious, and could only be perceived in hindsight.  Sometimes they were glaringly obvious in the moment.  The signs and signals that said “Not that way!  This way!” were sometimes gentle nudges, and at other times, they were ten-pound-sledge-hammers applied directly to the cranium.

There’s a certain state of things that I refer to as “The Universe Crossing Its Arms on Me” — times I’ve been given guidance that I either missed or willfully ignored.  At these junctures, flow in my life slows down or stops altogether, and I can feel like I’m slogging through molasses.  It’s as if the Universe simply shrugs its shoulder, crosses its arms, and says:  “OK, if you want to go that way, fine — but I won’t be helping.”

I’ve experienced this enough that I recognize it when it comes around, now.

I’m being re-directed.

My second exchange experiment has been interesting to observe, but it seems clear that it wouldn’t be sustainable for me over time as-is.  I knew at the start that it was something that would rely on a wide-spread participation in order to be sustainable, and it appears that it doesn’t appeal to enough people to make it viable as an ongoing project.

Of the more than 400 people who received the email announcing the experiment, about 31% read it and clicked through to the article (that’s actually considered a high rate of “click-throughs” for an online mailing list), and of those who read it, about 1% chose to participate.

It’s been very helpful to experiment in this way — holding it as “an experiment” keeps it fun for me, and I can observe it with a certain equanimity that wasn’t always present when I would kick off some big project that I intended to be ongoing.

It was interesting to view the top two poll responses from folks who chose not to participate — they were “I’m too busy” (not enough time) and “I’d do it, but I don’t have the money right now” (not enough resources).  I completely accept that the people who responded this way believe that this is reality for them, and I honor their sovereign right to their own perceptions.  At the same time, I’m aware that in the vast majority of these responses, this is a most likely a matter of priorities rather than true lack.

But in a way, that feedback is a huge blessing to me in the course of this adventure — since the experiment didn’t involve a long-term commitment of any kind (it was a one-month trial — even if you listened carefully to every transmission and had the half-hour reading, it would be about 90 minutes total each month), and because it was extremely low cost, I absolutely, positively now know — It’s not about the time, and it’s not about the money.

I’d suspected this for some time, of course, but presenting the last two experiments has brought this into crystalline clarity for me.

I’m equally clear that it’s not about the quality of my transmissions, either — I’ve had abundant feedback and direct experience that show me that what I have presented has changed people’s lives for the better — often, in a profound manner.

The lack of participation, then (not only in this experiment, but as a drop in my regular reading schedule that is so steep as to be a bit dizzying) is neither about how much I charge/do not charge, or the quality of what I bring forth.

I’m obviously being re-directed.

I’ve spent the past two days in semi-retreat, looking and listening for signs as to what the “This way!” is, precisely.  I suspect that it is a radical departure from what I have been doing, not an adjustment — it feels that way — yet I have no idea what “it” is at this point.

Having been here before, and with the new awareness that integration is bringing forth, I find that I entertain no fear about the shift.

In the past, I’d often greet the closing of a door on an old practice as a personal affront.  I’d generally stand in front of it and pout (or even throw a tantrum from time to time) for a few days, weeks, months — and sometimes, even years –before I headed off in another direction.

Now, I find myself sitting by the path that brought me here perfectly, but which has now opened on to a wide expanse where one might walk anywhere, and which has no discernible footprints indicating that anyone else has wandered quite this way before.

I’ll rest here, and have a bite to eat before I begin.

Posted in Consciousness, Hope, Integration Notes, Personal, Philosophy/Spirit, Spirituality | 1 Comment

Sometimes Karma is a Mistress of Sly Hilarity and I Want to Kiss Her on the Mouth

A brief humor break from all the introspection today — so, there is this phenomenon known as comment spam.  Every blogger who’s been around a bit will be familiar with it.

I have some mechanisms installed to automate the handling of spam comments here at MwaP-Teh Blog and at my online forums at my main site, but I still go in periodically to check and make sure there are no false-positives.

The way my blog is set up is that, once I approve your first comment, you can comment without needing approval thereafter — so all first comments from a new email go to the moderation queue.  If they’re spam, the get deleted.   If they’re not, they’re approved and you’re in.

For some unknown reason, there are a couple of very old posts that seem to get spammed continuously.

So, yesterday, I see this comment in the spam-box (from a spammer) on one of those posts:

“When I first commented at your site, I accidentally clicked the “notify me of all replies” — now I’m getting multiple emails every time someone comments.  Is there any way to undo that?”

No, you poor spammer-thing, you.  No, there isn’t.  You will have to deal with being spammed by your own kind.

And you, Karma?  Come over here, you delicious babe.

Posted in Fluff, Funny, Humor, On Blogging | 3 Comments